Acceptance. It is a good thing.

Well.

This is more of a personal post...I've come realize a few things in the past couple of days.

First-I went to check out some commercial space...the excitement of possible expansions...was dashed. I just don't want to. I thought I did. I can work hard for no money. But I've come to admit that I'm not really a "business-owner" but more of a glorified "hobbyist". And I think I like it that way. Anger. Denial. Grief because I like to think of myself in this lofty way, "I'm a business owner". I went through all those stages (it took me about 8 hours). Now I'm OK. Really. I think I've come to grips with the fact that I like my life...just the way it is. For a long time now, I've had this DRIVE to do more, be more, dobedobebdodododoo more More MORE! And within hours (ok maybe it was over the weekend), somehow, my perspective has changed and my priorities are shifting as we speak. This leads me to

Second-A new season...people know about "empty-nesters" and it is really easy to spout off about "the seasons of life" when I no idea what it is like...but I'm totally going through one and I feel utterly unprepared, or rather, I'm sorta shocked. Both my children will be in elementary school in a matter of (gasp) 4 weeks, yes, that is less than TWENTY-EIGHT (28) DAYS! Many of my friends homeschool...this phenomena will never happen to them...so they don't understand. Only those who have this tragic-ecstasy happen to them understand. As I ponder the thought, I get a little tingly and light-headed! But then some time will pass and I find myself a little sad...cheated...surprised...tragically aware that my life truly IS passing by. No one really prepared me for this transition...oh, sure, it goes like this, "someday your kids will be in school honey, then you can (insert-go clothes shopping alone, go to the bathroom alone, sleep in, etc)" All that sounded WONDERFUL when I had bottles, diapers and goldfish crackers up to my neck. And back then, I didn't really have a braincell to even ponder it. But now...well, I'm going to miss all that. NOW WAIT A MINUTE, how does this happen!??!?! I have no regrets...I've tried to make the best of every single day of my kids' childhood...I think the thing that is just hard for me is that...I can NEVER go back. I hate not having options (!) It seems almost cruel. My mother-in-law says it all the time, "oh, just to have Johnny for a moment at the age of 4, I loved that". I kinda get it now.

Or maybe it is there's a new benchmark..."when your kids go to school"...next for me is "when they go to junior high, high school, college, leave home" and that all goes really TOO fast for my taste!

So where does all this leave me but in standing in a puddle of my own teardrops?

Well, acceptance is a good thing. Today, despite my quivering lower lip, I have decided, IT IS OK. Feel the pain, feel the joy...it really is all part of life. And I want to LIVE LIFE to the fullest! So I must feel it all...pain, joy, etc. So I'm embracing these next four weeks with...well, nothing. I'm just going to BE with my kids...no grand "trying to make up for mistakes along the way" or "let's cram massive kid events into these next 28 days"...just being with them...I think I'm ok with that as I prepare for the inevitable next phase of being a mom...and THAT is a good thing!